Abroad and away.

Here I am, after blinking once or twice, in the city of Glasgow.

How am I feeling after a week being abroad for the first time?

I was crying like a baby at the airport. Don't get me wrong. I really didn't want to leave Kevin alone, and wished he could follow me here.

The past 1 month after quitting work was great, no work, holidays, shopping here & there, relax was all I did.

For the few months I was having a break, I spent 80-90% of it working. Every single day. Just like a full timer. Not that I regretted, I enjoyed it very much. Having spent time with my supervisor, pharmacists, staffs.. Knowing customers, getting to hear their advice, it's all great.

The last 2-3 days before departing KLIA shook me to the core. I couldn't believe I was finally leaving the country to study. Was it even real? Was it happening already?

After so long waiting..

I couldn't believe it myself.

I didn't have appetite to eat for a day. Especially the last meal with my parents, Kevin and my cousin. On the first flight, nothing entered my mouth. Nothing looked tasty.

Then, I started eating on the 2nd flight because I was too hungry >.<

Then my appetite came back lol.

It feels so surreal being here.

Now, after 1 week, I do feel like going home. It's because I'm lonely. That's why I wish Kevin is here.. all the time. I've got no one here with me, I've got no one to talk to, it's very very lonely.

They say you have friends over there, it'll be better. I'm afraid not..

Sometimes I wish I can be a part of them, then at least it'll be better by then. Also, at least, I wish Caring is here. Then I would spend 80% of my time there instead.

It's weird how you can never please the society. When you're being nice and kind, they label you fake. When you're being fake, they label you nice. It's always the other way round. Wtf.

Or, when you ask for permission because it isn't yours, they say "why are you asking me for permission, it's not mine" then when you take it, they will backstab you. When you don't ask and just take it assuming they are alright with it, it'll turn out that they do not like it at all and will also backstab you as well.

LOL.

Just fed up with how things work, because I really don't know how to deal with it.

Wish there will be some true people here so I can go crazy with that person. When I say crazy, I mean comfortable.

Final weekend.

Just a blink of an eye, it's 96 hours away from my departure to Glasgow.

What happened to 96 weeks, or 96 days away?

Time waits for no one, and I can't seem to accept the way it is. Most probably because I am so comfortable in my comfort zone, and I just refuse to accept how painful or stabbing reality is.

It will be my second time going away from my father and mother. I grew up without them being at home looking after me every single day. I suppose I will get used to it soon before I know it.

What is pulling me back is, Kevin. I know, family first. Like I said once, no one will understand no one unless they are in their shoes. What you think you see is what I say / show. It is in no certain that I spill every single detail of my life.

People tell me that you are never ready to leave. Says who? I've been growing up alone since 7 years old, without my dear father. Only under grandparents' guidance, it's totally different. And yet I can't blame them, because no one..

Anyway, I shall enjoy my last few days eating more food and grow fatter. To make my flight ticket worth the money :p

Since I am only allowed to carry limited weight, I shall add weight on myself heh heh heh */bimbo moments*

Till my departure, my schedule is ALL packed.

Tomorrow; hairdo with mom during day, dinner with mom's side of family.
Sunday; early Father's Day lunch with parents by me in Suki-ya, swimming + dinner with 1 of my dearest pharmacist :)
Monday; lunch with Kevin's mom, dinner with family
Tuesday; last lunch with Kevin, night to airport

I will be doing my last minute packing on Tuesday as well, so, I CAN DO IT! :D

Yeapz.

Now listening: One Spring Day by 2AM.

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Every time.

Every time I hear that I am going to UK this June (12th June to be exact), I can't help but to feel rather uneasy or feel like my heart skips a beat.

There's so many uncertainties to this. I don't know what will happen to Kevin and I later, or how my future will be. Many experienced ones told me not to be too serious in this relationship but how?

Kevin and I had a talk about this. We both agreed that things may be different later. Now the question is, HOW different? How different will I be? How different will he be? How different will we both be? With so many exposures and experiences for us to go through after this, with so many people we will be meeting..

Thinking about UK scares me now. What has happened to me who used to be looking VERY forward to go abroad? Where is the me 2 years ago? I am very lucky, and I am feeling grateful that I am able to go but what makes me fear of going abroad is Kevin. I know I am only 21 and I might have other chances to meet other guys or there are many other fishes in the sea. For now, he is all that matters among all other guys.

He has been treating me more than well. For that, I appreciate him. He has been nothing but forgiving, caring and understanding. I did mistakes again and again, while he forgives again and again.

Guilt has been filling me up for seeing how he suffers and never tell.

Maybe, when I come back, we won't even be together anymore. All the happy and sad times we had, might turn into fading memories that money cannot buy where I will cherish forever.

Or maybe, he will not be able to visit UK.

You will tell me not to think too much. But what the elders tell me, is different from what my friends tell me. What they tell me, is for my own good. I dare not stay away from the reality as I am afraid of what great impact they might give me..

It happened to me once for not wanting to listen, so now, I am only trying to reduce the impact.

What made me post this very very emotional and a-part-of-me post, is the documents / files my friend has posted for all my batch mates to read to prepare for our departure to UK where we will all be expected to complete our final year of MPharm.

I must admit Kevin is the biggest part in my MPharm Phase 1 life.

I also realized a lot of things. Loneliness will always be there.

Thank you, Kevin, for coming into my life.

OMG: Oh! My Gas; cinnamon soy ice cream with caramel sauce.

They just opened an ice cream store in Pavilion not too long ago & I finally got the chance to try!

They called it Oh! My Gas probably because they use nitrogen liquid to 'freeze' the ice cream almost immediately. You know, nitrogen will be gas at room temperature, so yeah it's GAS.

It's somewhat not like an ordinary ice cream since it's made right on the spot in front of your face (after ordering, it'll take less than 5 mins), and it is customizable. You can choose your base, flavor and topping from as low as RM12.90 for a cutie cup (small), and RM19.90 for a sexy cup (big).

There's 3 types of base to choose from: gelato, ice cream and soya.

& plenty of ice-cream flavor to choose from - nutty, fruity, etc. There's even nutella / cream cheese / cinnamon / peanut butter ice cream! You can choose any flavor, & if you want to mix 2 or more different flavors, you will have to pay more. *nothing is free*

You can even choose any color for your ice cream! So if you want your vanilla ice cream to be pink, it's possible! :3

The topping is quite straight forward: caramel drizzle, chocolate drizzle, jelly beans, etc.

Reminds me of this:

No meh?

cinnamon flavored soya based ice cream with caramel drizzle.

My opinion? I chose the wrong flavor because it's really cinnamon. Yucks.

I still ate it anyway.

The ice cream is so smooth I don't know what they did. Loved it because it's very very smooth & there's many flavors to choose from! Next try: cream cheese?

Uncertainties.

If only life is certain.

If and only life.

I wont be thinking of nonsense now, nor anyone be feeling pain. Let pain be vanished from life.

So curious, wonder how life will be.

Last year was also quite a heck of a year. Fell in and out of depression. Sounds dramatic, but it's true. Glad it's all over.

Now what's left is only anxiety.

Over everything, especially uncertainties. We can never be 100% certain about something.

If only I can be. If.

Things like this never excite me. I can always wait till it comes. I hope, it will never arrive.

Yay!

This happened few months ago, after my working hours.

Chim Boon (Miss Ang's husband) decided to bring their daughter (Pei En) to the pharmacy to fetch Miss Ang because her car was in the workshop & she was also a few months pregnant at that time.

Pei En was younger at that time (about 1+ yo?) & she was showing what she can do e.g. showing where's her hair, armpit, etc. She can even track her mum's voice (we were at the other side of the pharmacy & she kept on walking following the voice).

Then, after closing all cashiers & clean up, Chim Boon did some *quiz* with Pei En to show how smart / intelligent she is.

Chim Boon: who's Pei En?
Pei En: YAY! *raising both hands up*
Miss Ang: ok yay yay yay LET'S GO HOME.

I don't know how to explain what's so funny, but I knew I laughed at Miss Ang's reaction.

Pinoys and Indonesians

*moon looking round and perfect*

Kevin's mum has this belief that if the moon is low, round, big & bright, something is going to happen. Be it earthquakes or tsunami.

So we were driving home & I noticed it.

Me: oh look the moon is big and round.
Him: yeah something is gonna happen.
Me: it's too perfect isn't it?
Him: yeap.
Me: so something is gonna happen? :(
Him: yes but not here.
Me: you'll never know.
Him: hello, we are in the equator.
Me: still we never know. Firstly, we are protected by Sumatra so yes. Secondly, equator.
Him: yes thanks to the Pinoys.
Me: you mean Indonesians?
Him: yea meh?
Me: dude, Pinoys are Filipinos. Indonesians are from Indonesia.
Him: OH.

Kevin's mommy says:

*phone ringing*

Me: *picks up* hello??
Her: oh Yuen May, what color shirt does Kevin want - red, blue or black?
Me: um I'm not too sure but why buy red, you got it for him already. He also has blue from Levi's.
Her: okay then I will buy black for him. I wanted to buy pink shirt for him, you know lah he likes pink.
Me: NO NO NO, he likes purple.
Her: maybe because he likes lavender smell that's why.
Me: yeah I think so too he likes soft shade of purple. And he just told me yesterday he likes pink =.=
Her: oh god I don't know what's wrong with him, he's becoming more girly by the days.
Me: oh man..

Bottomline is, my boyfriend is becoming a girl and his mom said it first lol! Love how the mom always pinpoint him at all these little things. Nevertheless I love him as much still, no matter if he likes pink or not.

P/S I'm going to post everything I think is funny so that when I'm away, I can reminisce them by reading my immortal posts containing conversations :) hopefully I will continue to post!